Crackers Aren’t A Substitute For Meals

lf you’re starving and somebody throw you a cracker, you gonna be like this: 

“Goddamn, that’s the best cracker I ever ate in my life!   “That ain’t no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine?   “Goddamn, that was delicious. “That wasn’t no Saltine. That was…That was a Ritz. That wasn’t a Ritz? “God, that was the best cracker
I ever ate in my life.   “Can I have another one, please?  Please, one more.” 

 

From an Eddie Murphy stand-up routine – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRXq8TKq-a8  

While Eddie was talking about dating a woman and waiting a long time to have sex with her, this applies to infrequent sex/ intimacy marriages as well as to a quickie in a low or infrequent sex/intimacy marriage.

 

The cracker (quickie) might taste good at that moment, but it’s not satisfying and fulfilling.  It is empty calories for the person and the person giving it and the marriage – it has no nutritional benefits.  While it can temporarily fill a person up, eventually the person who gets an occasional quickie instead of consistent meals of marital love, affection, and intimacy will figure out that that is his or her source of dissatisfaction and starvation.  The marriage will eventually whither and die from malnutrition.

What is “sex” in a marriage?

Also apply to any form of intimacy between two spouses.  For the purpose of this post, a man and a woman (aka wife and husband) and this is addressed to wives.

 

“Sex” is

1. anything you wouldn’t want another woman to do with or to your husband.
2. anything you wouldn’t want your husband to do with or to another woman.
3. anything your husband wouldn’t want another man to do to or with you.
4. anything your husband wouldn’t want you to do to or with another man.

 

And basically those are the things you should be doing to or with your husband and your husband should be doing to or with you.

 

 

A Wife’s Personality Controls Whether The Couple’s Children Are Happy or Not.

Wife’s Personality Controls The Couple’s Sex Life and a Happier Sex Life Makes For a Marriage and A Happy Marriage Makes For a Happy Couple and A Happy Couple Makes For a Happy Home and A Happy Home Makes for Happier Children Therefore A Wife’s Personality Controls Whether The Couple’s Children Are Happy or Not.

 

See/read yesterday’s post about how the wife’s personality controls the couple’s sex life and either makes it happy and fulfilling or angry/ miserable and draining.

Happy Sex and Fulfilling Sex Life = Happy Marriage = Happy Couple = Less Stressed More Loving Parents = Happier Children = Happier Sex and Fulfilling Sex Life = Happier Marriage = Less Stress More Loving Parents = Happier Children on and on and on.

The opposite is true as well.  Miserable and draining and-or limited sex life = Miserable Unsatisfying Marriage =  = Anxious Stressed Parents = Anxious Stressed Children = A More Miserable And Draining and Limited Sex Life = Even Less Satisfying Marriage = More Anxious Stressed Unhappy Parents = More Anxious Stressed Children and on and on.

 

“…What does a happy romantic relationship have to do with raising happy kids, after all?

We know intuitively that how happy we are — in a relationship or otherwise — affects our children. Our emotions are contagious, and so when a romantic partner loves us unconditionally, the happiness and security that love brings can spill over, to our children’s benefit. Romance also has the potential to make us better parents: positive emotions (like love) and the social support of a partner can make us warmer and more responsive to our children.

Here are the top three most important “parenting competencies,” as reported by Epstein in Scientific American Mind, in terms of their influence on kids’ health, happiness, and school success, as well as the quality of the parent’s relationship with their children:

1. Love and affection. You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.

2. Stress management. You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques and promote positive interpretations of events.

3. Relationship skills. You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other and/or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with other people.

 

Here is what I think is amazing about that list: two of those three most important practices aren’t even parenting skills per se, in that they don’t directly affect our children.

Or do they?

 

We all know that when we are stressed out, our stress spills over and often makes our children anxious. So stress management skills turn out to be really important for our relationship with our children, and also our children’s happiness and school success!

So too with our relationship with our children’s other parent, whether or not we are romantically involved, as well as our relationship with a romantic partner (if it isn’t the other parent). It’s true: little is more important than maintaining and improving the relationships we have with our partners and co-parents. Like most parents, I try to model positive relationship skills for my for my children; all this great new science related to what happy couples do is helpful in knowing how to grow the love in my life….”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-carter-phd/happy-marriage-happy-kids_b_828370.html

 

The Wife’s Personality Controls How Much Sex A Heterosexual Couple Has and The Happier A Couple Is With Sex, The Happier A Couple Is With Their Relationship So The Wife’s Personality Controls How Happy A Couple Is.

In heterosexual marriages, the happier people are with their sexual lives, the happier they are with their relationships.

And if you want to know how much a newlywed couple is enjoying and having sex — and really, who doesn’t — then look at their personalities.  Specifically, look at the wife’s personality. If she’s super curious about life and easy to be around, it’s more likely that the couple is getting laid, or so says a new study. The man’s personality, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have much of an effect on how often the couple has sex.

In a new study of 278 heterosexual newlywed couples, Florida State University psychologists Andrea L. Meltzer and James K. McNulty asked participants to keep daily diaries — a more reliable way of measuring sexual frequency than asking people to retrospectively remember — and take a personality test of their so-called Big Five personality traits, the most agreed-upon personality model.

Unlike the Myers-Briggs and its peers, the Big 5 has repeatedly held up in empirical testing. The traits are conscientiousness, or how likely you are to be on time to meetings and reply to emails; agreeableness, or how eager you are to please people; openness to experience, or how much you crave adventures; neuroticism, or how much you react to the sundry difficulties of life; and extraversion, or how much you want to hang out…..

Previous studies have found that men want and initiate sex more than women, the authors say, prompting women to be labeled as “the ‘gatekeepers’ of sex within relationships.” Traditionalist as this idea may be, the authors wrote that their own findings support it as well: The higher a wife rated on openness to experience or agreeableness, the more often the couple had sex. The husband’s personality, on the other hand, was not a predictor of sexual frequency….

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/science-of-us/why-some-couples-have-so_b_10135152.html

 

Quality and Quantity

The more time you spend with you lover the better.

The Grass is Greener where you water (take care of).

Your relationship needs both quality and quantity time.

Sex Is Like Exercise

You should get plenty of it everyday.  The NFL has a program encouraging kids to get exercise/ be active for 60 minutes every day.

it can take many forms.

it can be intense (interval training) or more laid back (tai chi or yoga) or go between the two.

Variety and fun are key.

Be flexible.

Form is important.

Practice/ repetition is important.

Most exercise is more fun with a partner than without.

It can be done in an hour long “session” or it can be broken up into mini-sessions.

The more you exercise, the more you want to exercise.  The more you exercise, the better you feel.

You may not see or feel results and benefits immediately, but they accumulate. if you exercise consistently

Build-In rest days or off-days.

The first few weeks of an exercise program and sticking with it are the toughest.

Some days it may feel like work and you may not want to do it, but force yourself to start and then the motivation to continue will come.

What you put into it is what you get out of it.

Lock The Door

 

Whatever “needs to be done” can wait and the kids can wait for ten minutes.

Affectionate/sensual/sexual/erotic/ play time with your lover (spouse, partner) is important to your well-being, your lover’s well-being, the well-being of your relationship with your lover, and, therefore to your kids and family and home which are directly affected and impacted, positively or negatively, by your relationship with your lover.

Opposites Attract, But How Do They Stay Together?

1. Appreciate the differences
2. Incorporate the differences, 3rd Alternative
3. Soften the differences and move towards each other’s style or preference

Are You Sexgry and Don’t Even Know It?

 

Are you easily irritated?  Do little things become big problems? Are you and your spouse having trouble communicating?  Are you two not getting along?  Are you less satisfied at home?  are you not happy at home or in your relationship?  are you have a hard time getting motivated?  for women, are your periods heavier or longer?

 

 

Humans have a need for love, touch, intimacy, and sex – in general.  People in committed relationships have a bigger need for touch, intimacy, and sex than those not in committed relationships, over time they become, rightfully, dependent on the touch of, affection of and from, and sex and sexual activity with their partner because that partner is the sole provider of romantic love and sex and sexual activity.

 

 

try giving and getting love, touch, intimacy, sex, and sexual activity and being good, game, and giving everyday, preferably twice a day, for thirty uninterrupted minutes at a time, for a month and see how you, your partner, your home, and your relationship feel at the end of thirty days and then stop, completely, no touching or anything, for at least ten non-period days  – no love or touch or intimacy or sex or sexual activity at all – and see how you and your partner and your relationship feel.

 

i bet after the thirty days – you, you partner, and your relationship feel good, feel connected, feel intimate, are communicating better, letting the little irritations go, doing little things for each other, being more playful and flirty and affection with each other.

i bet after the following ten days, of non touching or kissing or sex or sensual-sexual activity, you and your partner and your relationship and your home are tense and on edge..  Little things become fights.  You

love, touch, intimacy, sex, and sexual activity are like exercise and eating healthy, you may think you you don’t need them, but you do.  you may not “want” them, but you do need them.  You know they are good for you, but doing them, especially when you are busy or “don’t need them” is tough.  Once you start them and do and get them regularly,  eating healthy and exercising regularly then stop for a prolonged period, you (will) realize how good they are for you and how much you actually do need them.  Watch an episode of fit to fat to fit to see how an ultra in-shape, healthy eating trainer gets out of shape and fat and depressed and toxic when he or she stops eating healthy and stops working out and how much better he or she feels when he/she gets back into shape and eats healthy.  Watch how much better the client, who never ate healthy and never worked out, feels when he or she starts working out daily and eating healthy every day and that becomes just a part of their life that he or she does every day and puts time and effort into – because it makes them feel good, physically and emotionally and mentally and spiritually.

 

 

if you are not getting enough and quality love, touch, intimacy, sex, and sexual activity then you could be sexgry.

if you are the “low-drive” partner and don’t feel “desire” or “aroused” often so you don’t do initiate and you say no then you are making yourself sexgry, making your partner sexgry, making your home sexgry, and making your relationship sexgry.

 

if you have a good sensual sexual affectionate playful erotic committed love life with a partner and stop putting in the time and effort, you and he/she and your home and your relationship will become out of shape, depressed, fat, and maybe even toxic.

if you and your partner have never had a good sensual sexual affectionate playful erotic committed love life then put in the creativity and the time and the effort every day and you will see and feel and reap the benefits.

Sexgry

Couples get along better when they have regular, frequent, loving, fun, sex and sexual activity.   The opposite is true as well.

Sexgry is the growing emotional, physical, physiological, and relational frustration and anger and malaise that an individual or both individuals in a committed monogamous relationship get and which starts to permeate and negatively affect the committed relationship when the two people engage in little or no sexual activity and intimacy over a prolonged period of time (which is subjective to each person in each committed relationship).

Trademark on “Sexgry” pending.

Sex and sexual activity  and touch are “human” needs for both individuals in a committed monogamous relationship – it connective, it is bonding, it is emotional, it is physical, it is an expression of love, it is an expression of attraction towards the other, it is an expression of desire for the other, it is an expression of affection, it it is exciting (or, most of the time, should be), it is an expression of willingness, it is an expression of being giving and good and game, it is an expression of generosity, it is an expression of how open you are to the other person.

Regular, frequent Touch and Sex, and having Orgasms (especially women) has dozens of benefits for each individual in the committed monogamous relationship and for the relationship itself:  increased marital satisfaction, more passion/desire, more passion/desire for each, having more sex = wanting to have more sex = having more sex, helps incontinence (bladder control/ leakage), migraine relief (maybe prevention), natural pain killer, helps make skin glow, keeps skin young and healthy, clearer skin (less acne and fewer blemishes), helps keep skin moisturized/ hydrated (through better circulation), eliminates/ prevent wrinkles, healthier hair, strengthens nails, helps cure common cold*, increased energy, better sleep, anti-aging, improves flexibility, improves mood, increases longevity, boosts confidence, increases intimacy, boosts immune system, weight loss, improved cardiovascular health, increased happiness, relieves pain, stress relief, depression & anxiety relief, whiter & healthier teeth (semen/bjs), lowers blood pressure, increased self-esteem, lower body toning, improved posture, increases estrogen and testosterone [women need both], better circulation, cuts risk of cancer, less neuroticism; Health Benefits For women:   cuts risk of breast cancer,   helps with out-of-control periods, increases estrogen and testosterone [women need both], helps keep the vagina healthy and young; Health Benefits For men: cuts risk of prostate cancer, and  More sex means even less ED risk. Men who have sex at least three times a week are only one-fourth as likely to get erectile dysfunction as are men who have less-than-weekly sex  [sex/sexual activity/ stimulation/ erections, not necessarily full cumming orgasms] which means he and his cock or dick are good-to-go for you pleasure.  Both the vagina and penis are muscles, muscles need exercise, and if you don’t use them, you lose them.

When a couple does not engage in regular, frequent Touch and Sex and Orgasms and touch and sex and orgasms becomes sporadic, infrequent, almost non-existent then there are dozens of negative consequences, the opposites of the benefits, that will affect each individual and the relationship:  less passion/desire, less passion/desire for each other, decreased marital satisfaction, increased bladder leakage, worse skin (dry, wrinkles, sallow/ lack of color, poor complexion – acne/blemishes), worse hair (brittle, dry, split ends, falls out more easily), weaker nails, lower immune system – more susceptible to colds etc, decreased energy, worse sleep, decreased flexibility, worse mood,  shortened life, decreased confidence, decreased intimacy, no weight loss help, no cardiovascular health help, decreased happiness, increased stress, increased susceptibility to depression & anxiety, no blood pressure help, decreased self-esteem, less lower body toning, no posture improvement, no (good) hormonal increases or balancing, less sex, decreased marital satisfaction: Consequences Just for Women: irregular and/or or out-of-control periods;  Consequences for Men: increased erectile dysfunction. 

 

  “Call it a catch-69, the cruel irony that a proven cure for stress — a hot sex life — is exactly what stress destroys. Connecting with a partner (and I mean physically) is a balm for the body.      “Being in an intimate relationship correlates to healing faster, getting sick less often and living longer,” says James Coan, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. “Good relationships offset tension in daily life.” Anxiety spikes blood pressure, which hobbles the immune system. “But when you have sex, you release feel-good hormones, including oxytocin and endorphins,” Coan adds. Eventually, you begin to associate your partner with those positive feelings, and he becomes someone you trust to be your soother during tough times….    “If the sex is satisfying, it’s one part of a larger relationship,” say Dr. Laura Berman. “But if your sex life isn’t working, the entire relationship is vulnerable to distancing, infidelity and a breakup. Sex eases anger. When we connect physically, we cut our partners slack. But when there’s no sexual connection, you get angrier quicker. Feeling angry, you’re less likely to want sex. Before long, you’re not having it at all and the relationship frays. Over time, it will crumble.”…    Indeed, simply holding hands can allay stress, Coan’s research shows….    Kissing and hugging, too, alleviate daily anxiety. Berman’s research found that unaffectionate couples report more stress and depression than their cuddling counterparts, and pairs who smooch a lot are eight times less likely to be tense or depressed. The best way to stay connected and stress-free, scientists believe, is to keep the touching going, especially during rocky times….

    Sex may treat all the various symptoms of stress [and anger – http://tinyurl.com/hke82r5  –, anger causes many of the same health issues as stress] but love is the ultimate cure.     

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/28146086/ns/health-mental_health/t/more-sex-less-stress/#.VyYhIvkrIdU

“….intimacy is what helps love to survive through the toughest of times, and makes us continue to want to love and be loved by our partners….”

http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/can-a-relationship-survive-without-intimacy

 

Lack of sex and affection and intimacy – all forms including sexual – makes it harder for love to survive through the toughest time and makes us not to love and be loved by our partners – i.e. sexgry.

Don’t let your sexgriness poison your relationship.