All posts by casiobriggs

Crackers Aren’t A Substitute For Meals

lf you’re starving and somebody throw you a cracker, you gonna be like this: 

“Goddamn, that’s the best cracker I ever ate in my life!   “That ain’t no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine?   “Goddamn, that was delicious. “That wasn’t no Saltine. That was…That was a Ritz. That wasn’t a Ritz? “God, that was the best cracker
I ever ate in my life.
   “Can I have another one, please?  Please, one more.” 

 

From an Eddie Murphy stand-up routine – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRXq8TKq-a8  

While Eddie was talking about dating a woman and waiting a long time to have sex with her, this applies to infrequent sex/ intimacy marriages as well as to a quickie in a low or infrequent sex/intimacy marriage.

 

The cracker (quickie) might taste good at that moment, but it’s not satisfying and fulfilling.  It is empty calories for the person and the person giving it and the marriage – it has no nutritional benefits.  While it can temporarily fill a person up, eventually the person who gets an occasional quickie instead of consistent meals of marital love, affection, and intimacy will figure out that that is his or her source of dissatisfaction and starvation.  The marriage will eventually whither and die from malnutrition.

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What is “sex” in a marriage?

Also apply to any form of intimacy between two spouses.  For the purpose of this post, a man and a woman (aka wife and husband) and this is addressed to wives.

 

“Sex” is

  1. anything you wouldn’t want another woman to do with or to your husband.
  2. anything you wouldn’t want your husband to do with or to another woman.
  3. anything your husband wouldn’t want another man to do to or with you.
  4. anything your husband wouldn’t want you to do to or with another man.

 

And basically those are the things you should be doing to or with your husband and your husband should be doing to or with you.

 

 

A Wife’s Personality Controls Whether The Couple’s Children Are Happy or Not.

Wife’s Personality Controls The Couple’s Sex Life and a Happier Sex Life Makes For a Marriage and A Happy Marriage Makes For a Happy Couple and A Happy Couple Makes For a Happy Home and A Happy Home Makes for Happier Children Therefore A Wife’s Personality Controls Whether The Couple’s Children Are Happy or Not.

 

See/read yesterday’s post about how the wife’s personality controls the couple’s sex life and either makes it happy and fulfilling or angry/ miserable and draining.

Happy Sex and Fulfilling Sex Life = Happy Marriage = Happy Couple = Less Stressed More Loving Parents = Happier Children = Happier Sex and Fulfilling Sex Life = Happier Marriage = Less Stress More Loving Parents = Happier Children on and on and on.

The opposite is true as well.  Miserable and draining and-or limited sex life = Miserable Unsatisfying Marriage =  = Anxious Stressed Parents = Anxious Stressed Children = A More Miserable And Draining and Limited Sex Life = Even Less Satisfying Marriage = More Anxious Stressed Unhappy Parents = More Anxious Stressed Children and on and on.

 

“…What does a happy romantic relationship have to do with raising happy kids, after all?

We know intuitively that how happy we are — in a relationship or otherwise — affects our children. Our emotions are contagious, and so when a romantic partner loves us unconditionally, the happiness and security that love brings can spill over, to our children’s benefit. Romance also has the potential to make us better parents: positive emotions (like love) and the social support of a partner can make us warmer and more responsive to our children.

Here are the top three most important “parenting competencies,” as reported by Epstein in Scientific American Mind, in terms of their influence on kids’ health, happiness, and school success, as well as the quality of the parent’s relationship with their children:

1. Love and affection. You support and accept the child, are physically affectionate, and spend quality one-on-one time together.

2. Stress management. You take steps to reduce stress for yourself and your child, practice relaxation techniques and promote positive interpretations of events.

3. Relationship skills. You maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse, significant other and/or co-parent and model effective relationship skills with other people.

 

Here is what I think is amazing about that list: two of those three most important practices aren’t even parenting skills per se, in that they don’t directly affect our children.

Or do they?

 

We all know that when we are stressed out, our stress spills over and often makes our children anxious. So stress management skills turn out to be really important for our relationship with our children, and also our children’s happiness and school success!

So too with our relationship with our children’s other parent, whether or not we are romantically involved, as well as our relationship with a romantic partner (if it isn’t the other parent). It’s true: little is more important than maintaining and improving the relationships we have with our partners and co-parents. Like most parents, I try to model positive relationship skills for my for my children; all this great new science related to what happy couples do is helpful in knowing how to grow the love in my life….”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-carter-phd/happy-marriage-happy-kids_b_828370.html

 

The Wife’s Personality Controls How Much Sex A Heterosexual Couple Has and The Happier A Couple Is With Sex, The Happier A Couple Is With Their Relationship So The Wife’s Personality Controls How Happy A Couple Is.

In heterosexual marriages, the happier people are with their sexual lives, the happier they are with their relationships.

And if you want to know how much a newlywed couple is enjoying and having sex — and really, who doesn’t — then look at their personalities.  Specifically, look at the wife’s personality. If she’s super curious about life and easy to be around, it’s more likely that the couple is getting laid, or so says a new study. The man’s personality, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have much of an effect on how often the couple has sex.

In a new study of 278 heterosexual newlywed couples, Florida State University psychologists Andrea L. Meltzer and James K. McNulty asked participants to keep daily diaries — a more reliable way of measuring sexual frequency than asking people to retrospectively remember — and take a personality test of their so-called Big Five personality traits, the most agreed-upon personality model.

Unlike the Myers-Briggs and its peers, the Big 5 has repeatedly held up in empirical testing. The traits are conscientiousness, or how likely you are to be on time to meetings and reply to emails; agreeableness, or how eager you are to please people; openness to experience, or how much you crave adventures; neuroticism, or how much you react to the sundry difficulties of life; and extraversion, or how much you want to hang out…..

Previous studies have found that men want and initiate sex more than women, the authors say, prompting women to be labeled as “the ‘gatekeepers’ of sex within relationships.” Traditionalist as this idea may be, the authors wrote that their own findings support it as well: The higher a wife rated on openness to experience or agreeableness, the more often the couple had sex. The husband’s personality, on the other hand, was not a predictor of sexual frequency….

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/science-of-us/why-some-couples-have-so_b_10135152.html

 

Sex Is Like Exercise

You should get plenty of it everyday.  The NFL has a program encouraging kids to get exercise/ be active for 60 minutes every day.

it can take many forms.

it can be intense (interval training) or more laid back (tai chi or yoga) or go between the two.

Variety and fun are key.

Be flexible.

Form is important.

Practice/ repetition is important.

Most exercise is more fun with a partner than without.

It can be done in an hour long “session” or it can be broken up into mini-sessions.

The more you exercise, the more you want to exercise.  The more you exercise, the better you feel.

You may not see or feel results and benefits immediately, but they accumulate. if you exercise consistently

Build-In rest days or off-days.

The first few weeks of an exercise program and sticking with it are the toughest.

Some days it may feel like work and you may not want to do it, but force yourself to start and then the motivation to continue will come.

What you put into it is what you get out of it.

Lock The Door

 

Whatever “needs to be done” can wait and the kids can wait for ten minutes.

Affectionate/sensual/sexual/erotic/ play time with your lover (spouse, partner) is important to your well-being, your lover’s well-being, the well-being of your relationship with your lover, and, therefore to your kids and family and home which are directly affected and impacted, positively or negatively, by your relationship with your lover.