article from FamilyShare, written by Diana Cantor Martinez, link to article is below:
- Here are some reasons why he might choose to be unfaithful. [SYH note, some men may “choose” to be unfaithful, but many if not most, only become unfaithful after their efforts to make the marriage work/ thrive and make their wives happy fail]
He is looking for a friend
Men hope to find a woman who is emotionally intimate; a woman who listens, who understands, a woman who is not afraid to talk about anything. That woman does not react impulsively, she understands without judging and doesn’t reply with “I told you.” While this type of woman can exist in his wife, not having this level of understanding may provoke a man to find someone who can fulfill another aspect of his relationship.
Men adore playing
Men might be looking for someone who is not afraid to be carefree and spontaneous. Marriage brings responsibility, no matter how good the marriage is. Men who feel tied down by commitment will seek a woman that likes to run from responsibility, someone who is a little childish and will indulge his habits of playing ball or video games. If this playfulness and fun attitude isn’t present in marriage, it could explain why he left. [SYH – yes, he wants and need playfulness, he want to play with you and he want you to play with him, and he wants and needs you to be his playmate – in all senses of the word.]
He wants an independent woman
It seems silly, but husbands often seek a woman who is independent. Though they’ve made a commitment in marriage, it’s not really what they want. They are looking for a woman who doesn’t really revolve around them or your family. It’s a bit paradoxical because that’s who you were before you got married. In essence, this type of man is chasing something he can’t ever have. [SYH note: Yes and no, more like a healthily interdependent woman who makes her man one of her top priorities through words and actions.]
He wants a happy woman
Men want to make women happy. If it seems like happiness is a hopeless situation in his own marriage, he might see to make another woman happy outside of his marriage. Though you both have been happy together in the past, your relationship isn’t where he’d like it to be right now. He’s seeking to make someone else happy because he doesn’t think he can do the same for you. [SYH note: yes, about everything but him seeking to make someone else happy – he’d rather make you happy.]
He is looking for something you don’t have
Recently, a friend told me: “I love feminine women.” It’s a selfish choice to think that your wife – the woman you are committed to – isn’t “what I want,” but it happens. It’s a shallow reason to cheat on your wife, but some men rationalize that they want to be with someone younger or with someone that is different from you. [SYH note, he probably has shared with you his wants and needs because he thinks and hopes and knows that, if you want to, you can be what and who he wants and without losing yourself in the process.]
He hates tears
My personal conclusion is that some men cheat on their wives because they hate feeling guilty or responsible for our pain and suffering. It seems easier to choose to do something so wrong, so they no longer are responsible for making things all better again. It’s a selfish way out of a situation, but it does give an escape: an escape that usually results in divorce. [SYH note: Yes, this goes along with feeling like he can’t make you happy which is bad enough, but to add that he makes you feel badly or that he can’t stop any pain or suffering and he will feel like a failure.]
These reasons are hard to read, but they could give a glimpse into why this happened. Learn the ways you and your husband are different. Talk about things in depth; don’t ignore hurt feelings, complaints, or praise. Remember, it’s the lasting behaviors that create understanding and love…things that will hopefully prevent infidelity from every happening in your marriage.